MoneyWiseWomen

Are you prone to spend MORE during tough financial times?

By Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil

(The following are ideas I'll expand on more in my upcoming seminars. See the end of this post for more details.)

If you find yourself wrecking the budget during a financial crisis - when you should be more concerned with keeping money matters in check – you're not alone. A new survey conducted by Professor Karen Pine, from the University of Hertfordshire finds that women are more inclined to spend themselves out of misery when they're financially strapped, than they are during stable times. Thus, the recession could actually force more women to overspend.

The survey found that 79% of women said they would go on a spending spree to cheer themselves up., concluding that some women use shopping as an emotion regulator, “a way of anesthetising themselves to negative feelings or dissatisfaction with life.” Ironically, this means worrying about money could lead women to spend more.

The opinions and habits of the 700 women surveyed line up with what I've seen in my own practice over the years. Four out of ten of the women named ‘depression’, and six out of ten named ‘feeling a bit low’, as reasons to go on a spending spree and overspend. Women commonly expressed the view that shopping has the power to make them feel better. This can either lead to, or be symptomatic of, financial infidelity. Just as an individual may turn to an illicit love affair to provide the biochemical feelings of connection and experience the thrill of a new romance, over and over again, so, too, they may turn to risky financial behavior for stimulation to give them a high, and get them out of a “funk” or a depression down-turn.

The behaviors that stimulate these feelings can easily become addictive, and that's when it moves into more dangerous territory.  As the survey suggests, the ability to regulate emotions is crucial for mental and physical wellbeing and humans adopt a variety of means of doing so, including drugs and alcohol.  Shopping is one method increasingly adopted by women, and a Stanford University study identifies one in twenty Americans as compulsive shoppers.

Shopping when feeling depressed is akin to the behaviors that are triggered by other types of addiction. Take stock of your emotions, and the times you feel most prone to engage in a little “retail therapy.” If you're indulging in spite of your budget – or worse, because of it – you may be headed down a dangerous path that will be unhealthy both financially and emotionally. Work to re-wire the pattern of thinking that leads you to shopping, opting instead for spending time with friends, trying something new like taking a class, head to the gym, or use your energies to volunteer. Work to divert your energy and attention into something positive – the possibilities are nearly endless!

Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil has been an internationally acclaimed relationship therapist for thirty years. Join her every Monday for a teleconference on "Recession-proofing your Relationships." (Free to the first 25 people who sign up.) Her most recent book, Financial Infidelity, is available on Amazon. Sign up for her Newsletter.

Why Women Earn Less

Last night I interviewed Mikelann Valterra, Founder of the Women's Earning Institute and author of Why Women Earn Less: How to Make What You're Really Worth. I learn so much from Mikelann every time I hear her speak and last night's interview was no exception. One of the most profound examples Mikelann shares is the story of a 25 year old woman and man who start their first job right out of college. The employer offers them both $25,000/year salary. The woman accepts, but the man negotiates for $30,000 and gets it. Neither of them get anything but cost of living adjustments (3% annually) until they both retire in their early 60's. The woman's retirement is $72,000/year while the man's retirement is $88,000/year -- $16,000 more. And during their working years the man earned $362,000 than the woman. All because he negotiated for $5,000 more in the beginning of his career. Realistically, the woman was probably out of the workforce for several years having children and the man probably negotiated his salary numerous times over the course of his career.

Break up so That You Can Make up to Save Your Relationship

Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil

My advice to Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt: break up first, so that you can make up and stay together. I call it a “brush with death” and it's my tried-and-true method for keeping couples together – in the long term. In the short term, both people have to be committed to the need and desire to work things out, otherwise the idea of an immediate breakup could have the opposite of its desired affect and turn into a long-term break up.

When to Do A BREAK UP TO MAKE UP:

1. When the relationship is too hard, there is no connection.

2. When relationship debris has contaminated your relationship.

3. The temporary breakup can help solve issues and "revive" your
 relationship.

4. A time limited breakup (Brush with Death) creates a movement, a healthy
 shake up and wake up for change to occur.

5. This is the only thing that will create an action step which will make
reconnecting and making up easier to do.

6. Creating this strategy is not the end of the relationship it is the new
 beginnings.

7. Most of the time this is the only way to “save” a
 relationship and breathe life and love back into it to sustain it!

The (real) problem with your money

You may think the biggest problem with your money is that you don’t have enough of it . . . obviously, that’s what most people think . . . if they're thinking about their money at all. Even the disgustingly rich people think about their money (in between sunning on their yachts and buying pounds of diamonds at Tiffany’s), because money isn’t about money, it’s about control.

Retention Leadership - How to Retain the Best People in Your Organization

A buzz word has emerged in business recently, “Retention Leadership,” and it could have powerful implications for improving business success.  In our increasingly service oriented economy, people are often the most important assets and retaining good employees is key to business success.  According to an article by Karla Brandau, there are three critical leadership drivers that can bring high retention results.