By Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil
(The following are ideas I'll expand on more in my upcoming seminars. See the end of this post for more details.)
If you find yourself wrecking the budget during a financial crisis - when you should be more concerned with keeping money matters in check – you're not alone. A new survey conducted by Professor Karen Pine, from the University of Hertfordshire finds that women are more inclined to spend themselves out of misery when they're financially strapped, than they are during stable times. Thus, the recession could actually force more women to overspend.
The survey found that 79% of women said they would go on a spending spree to cheer themselves up., concluding that some women use shopping as an emotion regulator, “a way of anesthetising themselves to negative feelings or dissatisfaction with life.” Ironically, this means worrying about money could lead women to spend more.
The opinions and habits of the 700 women surveyed line up with what I've seen in my own practice over the years. Four out of ten of the women named ‘depression’, and six out of ten named ‘feeling a bit low’, as reasons to go on a spending spree and overspend. Women commonly expressed the view that shopping has the power to make them feel better. This can either lead to, or be symptomatic of, financial infidelity. Just as an individual may turn to an illicit love affair to provide the biochemical feelings of connection and experience the thrill of a new romance, over and over again, so, too, they may turn to risky financial behavior for stimulation to give them a high, and get them out of a “funk” or a depression down-turn.
The behaviors that stimulate these feelings can easily become addictive, and that's when it moves into more dangerous territory. As the survey suggests, the ability to regulate emotions is crucial for mental and physical wellbeing and humans adopt a variety of means of doing so, including drugs and alcohol. Shopping is one method increasingly adopted by women, and a Stanford University study identifies one in twenty Americans as compulsive shoppers.
Shopping when feeling depressed is akin to the behaviors that are triggered by other types of addiction. Take stock of your emotions, and the times you feel most prone to engage in a little “retail therapy.” If you're indulging in spite of your budget – or worse, because of it – you may be headed down a dangerous path that will be unhealthy both financially and emotionally. Work to re-wire the pattern of thinking that leads you to shopping, opting instead for spending time with friends, trying something new like taking a class, head to the gym, or use your energies to volunteer. Work to divert your energy and attention into something positive – the possibilities are nearly endless!
Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil has been an internationally acclaimed relationship therapist for thirty years. Join her every Monday for a teleconference on "Recession-proofing your Relationships." (Free to the first 25 people who sign up.) Her most recent book, Financial Infidelity, is available on Amazon. Sign up for her Newsletter.
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