MoneyWiseWomen

Re-finance your Relationship

by Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil

(The following are ideas I'll expand on more in my upcoming tele-seminars. See the end of this post for more details.)

Obviously, the kind of refinancing I'm talking about here has nothing to do with banks or mortgages or money – and everything today with emotional investment and the kind of pay-off that you can expect to get. Of course, investing in your relationships shouldn't be done strictly for the benefits that you will receive – we want to build and foster the strongest bonds possible so each person can benefit – but it's a simple fact that the more you put in, the more you will get out! For many of us, this becomes difficult to do when our lives get busy and we attempt to juggle the day-to-day pressures of life, work, family, school, kids, etc. That's why now is as good a time as any to commit to re-connecting with those who are important in your life.

I've talked a bit before about how to discuss financial changes and cut-backs with your kids, and I want to focus on the positive outcomes that can be born out of these potential shifts in lifestyle. One thing I often tell people is to focus on re-finance their relationship, as well as their wallet. Wouldn't your kids – or your family, or your significant other rather have you home for dinner than – say – the newest gadget? We can turn financial adversity into opportunity by feeling more loved and connected, and by shifting our focus to our relationship for mutual enjoyment, if we learn how.  Just because we lost our way financially doesn't mean we have to lose our way to each other or to our children! In fact, getting back on track can also provide an amazing opportunity to re-prioritize our lives.

Don't be a Relational Victim of the Recession

By Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil

(The following are ideas I'll expand on more in my upcoming tele-seminars. See the end of this post for more detais.)

When things get tough in a relationship, there’s a tendency some people have to want to jump ship. We’re seeing more and more of this now, as the recession is claiming another victim: our relationships. Money can be one of the number one motivating factors in a relationship, and you don’t need me to tell you that stress around this particular subject is at a rarely-seen high right now. We see it in the workplace, in our government, and yes within our families, marriages and other relationships.

The American Psychological Association reports that 80% of people say the economy is causing added stress in their lives. Individual couples and families continue to need a game plan for dealing with the added stress placed on us by the economy. A certain amount of uncertainty is likely unavoidable for most, but it doesn’t have to have a detrimental affect on your relationships. In fact, right now you need the love and support of your partner more than ever, so don’t let money problems get in the way of that. There are a few ways to avoid being a relational victim of the recession:

Are We There Yet? Impatiently Awaiting the Market Bottom

You can only go halfway into the darkest forest…

then you are coming out the other side.

--Chinese Proverb

 

Are We There Yet??

Anxiously awaited as the turning point, everyone’s wondering where the bottom of the market is. Is this the worst of it? How about now? Please, someone tell us we’ve hit rock bottom! The prolonged uncertainty (sixteen months and counting) makes us so squeamish we can hardly stand it. Why is that?

It’s because we have forgotten that all of life cycles from birth to death, renewal to loss, creativity to destruction, and back again. We’re comforted by cycles in nature, but when the same healthy cycles occur in our lives or the economy, we balk at the “winter,” fearing it will never end.

Saving Money on Your Grocery Bills

These days many of us are looking for ways to save money. A couple of weeks ago I discovered a website that can help you save money on your grocery bills -- Puget Sound Grocery Guide. Don't stop reading if you don't live in Westen Washington -- the grocery saving tips are for Albertsons, Fred Meyers and Rite Aid. Shannon Ford is the woman behind the scenes and she does all the work for you. All you have to do is save the weekly coupon inserts from the Sunday newspaper.

Watch Shannon's interview on KING TV to see how it works -- Watch Now . The first four weeks are free -- check it out and start saving on your groceries today.

www.pugetsoundgroceryguide.com

Warmly,
Marcia Brixey

How to Get What's Coming to You

by Diana Savage

When a company sells shoddy products or treats its customers poorly, some people lose their tempers, scream obscenities, and threaten bodily harm. I’m sure you’ve had the misfortune of seeing such folks in action. The problem is, these responses are not only distasteful, but they’re also ineffective. What then, short of suffering in silence, is the best course of action?

As a professional writer, I suggest that the pen is still mightier than the sword. Most of us are simply not taught how to wield a writing instrument effectively. To illustrate a proper swashbuckling technique on your word processor, I’ll reproduce here a letter I wrote when my bank recently refused to honor its coupon. (Names and identifying details have been changed, of course.)

Then I’ll give you three tips for crafting an action letter of your own.

Sex with the Enemy

Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil

Did you know that more and more couples who have been planning to separate or get divorced are putting off their plans and continuing to live under one roof? They're doing so either because divorce proceedings are too expensive right now, or because they can't figure out how to split up what was once assets, and may now instead be liabilities. I call this problem “sleeping with the enemy,” and it doesn't have to be a bad thing.

In the past, divorce has become almost easy. Now, financial constraints are forcing people to take a second look at their relationship and hopefully in many cases they'll be able to work out their differences. One way this can happen is through – yep, you guessed it! - sex! Heated arguments can lead to great sex and when you're still living under the same roof, you have the opportunity to allow this to happen. It can re-create the feeling you had when you had sex early on in your relationship, or it can almost create the feeling of having an affair with your own partner.

Everyone has a bio-chemical craving for connection, a theory I developed and talk about in Financial Infidelity. We're all – to a certain extent – driven by the need for that dopamine high we get when we engage in pleasurable – and sometimes risky – behavior. This is what can lead someone into spending money behind someone's back or conducting an illicit affair – and it's the feeling that can be created when you're having sex for the first time “all over again.”

On the surface, you're in a situation that may allow you to re-create the initial feelings you had for your partner. But underneath, you're putting your relationship back together. Sex with your partner is another, much less risky way to fulfill your need for connection and get the high you're looking for. Because your actions leading up to sex release endorphins, and the act of sex itself facilitates calming hormones, you'll end up feeling much better.  I would argue that in stressful, unstable times, sex IS a necessity, as it does much more than simply work to our advantage scientifically.

The importance of sex – both emotionally and psychologically – is something we should bear in mind regardless of the economic climate. Connecting with our partners is crucial to a healthy relationship as well as a healthy mind and body. And considering sex is enjoyable, it's something good you can do for yourself that should be relatively easy!

Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil has been an internationally acclaimed relationship therapist for thirty years. New York magazine named her one of the city’s top therapists and Psychology Today named her one of America’s best therapists. Her most recent book, Financial Infidelity, is available on Amazon. You can also find her and her books on Facebook.

Tips for Improving Your Résumé (CV – curriculum vitae)

During seminars and within my coaching practice I’m often asked for tips on writing or improving résumés, also known as curriculum vitae, or “CVs”.  In the February 2009 e-Newsletter from NAFE (National Association for Female Executives), Geraldine Garner provided five great resume tips we should all follow:

 

• “Quantify the impact of work whenever possible”
• “Give examples of how skill sets have been utilized on the job”
• “Remove words like ‘assist’ and ‘help’”
• “Select nouns and verbs carefully but write concise and impactful statements”
• “When applying online, follow all directions”

In addition to these great tips from Geraldine, recommendations I provide clients are:

• Don’t use the generic job description from the Human Resources department.  Most interviewers will understand from your title what your job actually is – focus on explaining your key accomplishments
• Use bullets to itemize your key accomplishments
• Be concise and don’t use long sentences
• Clearly state your work history from most recent at the front to latest in the back and explain any significant gaps in work history
• Never lie or stretch the truth
• Don’t use acronyms – spell them out to make it easy for the interviewer to understand
• Don’t undersell yourself
• Double-check for spelling errors, then re-read it for grammar errors, then read it a third time to see if the content makes sense.  Then, ask three friends to read it and provide suggestions for improvement

A résumé is the best advertisement of YOU, so spend adequate time making it the best it can be.  A good résumé will help you get your foot in the door, and, a good interview will help you get the job you’re seeking!

 

You can do it!

Lisa Quast

Career Woman, Inc. - "Your Future, Your Way"

www.careerwomaninc.com