By Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil
(The following are ideas I'll expand on more in my upcoming tele-seminars. See the end of this post for more detais.)
When things get tough in a relationship, there’s a tendency some people have to want to jump ship. We’re seeing more and more of this now, as the recession is claiming another victim: our relationships. Money can be one of the number one motivating factors in a relationship, and you don’t need me to tell you that stress around this particular subject is at a rarely-seen high right now. We see it in the workplace, in our government, and yes within our families, marriages and other relationships.
The American Psychological Association reports that 80% of people say the economy is causing added stress in their lives. Individual couples and families continue to need a game plan for dealing with the added stress placed on us by the economy. A certain amount of uncertainty is likely unavoidable for most, but it doesn’t have to have a detrimental affect on your relationships. In fact, right now you need the love and support of your partner more than ever, so don’t let money problems get in the way of that. There are a few ways to avoid being a relational victim of the recession:
2). To avoid this, schedule a time to talk about finances, so you don’t feel constantly on-edge or bombarded by money talk. If each person knows that an appointment exists where the sole purpose is to discuss the budget, finances, etc., they won’t have to worry about other drama that may arise in between these meetings. Be sure to keep these financial discussions – which I recommend be held about once a week – under ten minutes. Attention spans tend to wane, nerves get frayed and stressors really start to show up when you go beyond ten minutes.
3. During these talks to use what I call “Money Love Language.” I discuss this technique in my book, Make up Don't Breakup, and it involves providing a place where each person can discuss their feelings without fear of retribution. You'll also find exercises to help you communicate on these subjects in my book, Financial Infidelity.
Money is a heated topic and even when doing all the "right" things - i.e., scheduling a time to talk about it, limiting conversation length, etc - tempers can still flare and stress can still be high. When you have your "money meetings," each person should have a chance to express any concerns, or suggest new ideas without worrying that the other person is going to over-react. Communicating about money in this way is important as it ensures that these exchanges are healthy and not threatening.
Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil has been an internationally acclaimed relationship therapist for thirty years. Join her Monday, April 20th, and Monday, April 27th for a teleconference on "Recession-proofing your Relationships." (Free to the first 25 people who sign up.) Her most recent book, Financial Infidelity, is available on Amazon. You can also find her and her books on Facebook.
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