By Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil
One of the many notable ways in which families are being affected by the recession are reflected by how and where kids are choosing to go to school. There's always been a large swath of students who went from highschool to a state school, but this is becoming more and more the case, even as schools face budget cuts. At the State University of New York college campus, for one example, admissions officers are suddenly afraid of getting what they have always wished for: top high-school seniors saying “yes” to their acceptance envelopes. After the increase of students last year, kids are already tripled up in dorm rooms.
Whether this increase in entrants is due to the fact that parents don't have to means to send their kids to private schools debt-free, or that the idea of incurring debt for a college education is becoming less appetizing, it's hard to tell. But it begs the question: how do you talk to you kids about financial difficulties without making them feel less safe or stressed out?
If handled correctly this can be a good time to open up conversations about money – it's up to you how specific or broad you want to leave it. If things aren't affecting you in a dire way, you may want to still include a bit of an education session so they better understand what others are going through. If you're having to cut back on stuff they'd grown accustomed to, it's probably time to tell them what's going on. How much you tell them is, too, largely dependent on how old they are!
I suggest using a technique I've mentioned before in relation to couples: Smart Heart Dialogue. It helps couples share financial opinions, history and fears with their significant other, especially when tough money issues come up. These issues normally bubble to the surface during a relational shift. It's easy to understand that this recession could cause a number of relational shifts, and can be ideal for bringing money concerns to light with your kids.
The idea behind Smart Heart is to use these triggers and points of shift – things that could become arguments – and spin them into conversations about the emotions, fears and feelings that are being triggered. Using this form of dialogue enables you to have constructive conversations about otherwise hot-button topics, as they relate to money. There's no better place to integrate this method than with your kids!
Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil has been an internationally acclaimed relationship therapist for thirty years. New York magazine named her one of the city’s top therapists and Psychology Today named her one of America’s best therapists. Her most recent book, Financial Infidelity, is available on Amazon. You can also find her and her books on Facebook.
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