By: Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil
In “Confessions of a Shopaholic,” the main character has a spending problem – as most true shopaholics do. It's a fun, girly, light-hearted movie, but the premise at the center of it is anything but a laughing matter. As the economy continues its downward spiral now more than ever many of us need to save, but these are also the times when we're most likely to fall into deceitful behavior, or financial infidelity. We know that spending money on that purse or those shoes – or any one of a number of things – isn't a good idea, but we're drawn to do it anyway. And when we do it, we're drawn to cover it up.
As I've talked about on this blog before, financial infidelity can take on many different shapes. From someone who gets an extra $20 back at the grocery store when times are tight, to someone who opens a credit card behind their partner's back, there are varying levels of extremity when talking about these issues. Financial infidelity stems from a number of things, and knowing these factors – and how to avoid them – can help keep you honest with your partner and with your own financial habits.
Many people that engage in Financial Infidelity (or “shopaholic-ism”!) are doing so out of a need for thrill-seeking behavior. It's similar to the reason that people have affairs. In this case,they're using their spending as a way to self-medicate the problems the face. I'm seeing more of this now – and it makes perfect sense! - as the economic turmoil creates an increasingly stressful situation!
Some people do it because they feel marginalized. Here again is an example I'm seeing more of in this recession. When money and finances take center stage and people are expected to cut back, they miss doing the things that they once did. Or they may splurge as a way to retaliate against the fact that their lifestyle has been curtailed by circumstances beyond their control.
The key to dealing with these issues within a relationship is to foster a spirit of honesty. Being able to talk about feelings of marginalization or frustration with the budget or depression due to lack of finances is crucial when navigating ANY relationship battles – especially those dealing with money, and especially in a down economy.
After all, Shopaholic makes for a cute movie, but would you really want to live a day in her shoes?
Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil has been an internationally acclaimed relationship therapist for thirty years. New York magazine named her one of the city’s top therapists and Psychology Today named her one of America’s best therapists. Her most recent book, Financial Infidelity, is available on Amazon.
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